closed door

Hi you guys.

Why did I just do that ? What ?

Post a picture of a closed door.

First of all, I had to find a way to express how I feel lately.

I've been a serial-bad-sleeper. For months. 

Normally I'm the one with the most energy, ambition and laughs.

Lately, I haven't been like this, at all. I've been a wreck. 

Inside I feel numb and although I try to stay positive towards everybody, I honestly can't feel anymore. 

I react but on auto-pilot ; I act like I 'feel' and show empathy but in reality it's 'empty'. I do cry but mostly when I feel attacked or wrongly addressed to.

My mood gets real bad when someone pushes my button. I over-react, can't tone down or canalize my feelings.

So here it is, the reason why I sleep this bad is due to depression.

I couldn't believe my ears ; I went to the doctor yesterday to talk about medication for my sleeping-problems. 

Apparently I ticked all the boxes for a classic case of melancholia.

So, I now need to work on myself, if ever with the contribution of medication. I'm not sure if I really want to go this way.

First, I just need to digest this news and ask myself How did I get here ?

By writing it down, it feels surreal, hard and out of character, albeit it's not that crazy.

About 10 years ago, I suffered from a bad case of loss of sense when I got submerged in a period of extreme stress. 

I had to be admitted for 4 days to make sure I did not harm myself.

I never talked about it, no ones really knows due to shame.

I'm writing it down now, in case something should happen or when I should crash.

So sorry I had to bother you all with this news.

#sorrynotsorry

Cheap Trick

The sun has finally found her way back to our regions ! Hurray.

Throw away sneakers and socks in a corner and search for your nicest ballerina's in your closet .. 

Do you like mine ? I just found these the other day at New Look. They actually were the last pair and super cheap ! Only 9€ ! 

I can't believe I paid this tiny amount for shoes.

They actually look like my Lolo ballerina flats ; the best part of it all, they shine bright like a diamond. 

See these tiny little gems on top ? 

The shimmer like nothing else in the sun .. am so happy with these .. 

I also went for a walk today and stopped 

at Normo's to get my daily fix of caffeine ; they actually serve a decent latte. It might actually be the best I've had for ages - of course, coffee taste is a personal matter of flavor and the input of a barista but I can actually notice by the reactions of fellow Antwerp-residents, lots of people give their thumbs-up to my pictures of Normo's coffee. Says it all, right ?

get your own fix here 

ballerina flats at New Look here