Lately I've got hit by a new turning point in my life. Remember the day you discovered your first wrinkle ? That moment, that feeling. The invisible man with the hammer awaits me outside my door and hits me spot on. He nails that same feeling over and over again when he strikes.
A few decades ago, I was this young girl, pretty but very naive. I somehow knew that I did not owned the world and realized it would take me an older guy to teach me how to survive the adult world. Being just 19 at the time, I never had to worry about dress sizes, how I would look naked when the occasion arose when I would spend the night with a guy. I met this man, 20 years my senior and had some fabulous moments. Although the 'relation' was based on sex at first, we both discovered we could actually talk serious stuff too. He encouraged me to study History & Art and made me feel like a grown up woman. I can now also see his point of view that he himself needed a younger person to make him feel vernal.
Until this day, I never ever dated a guy that was younger or had the same age as I did. I found each and every person the father figure I lacked. On top, I knew that these men could fill up my rucksack of experience. Younger men never seemed to catch my interest or hold my attention.
Years went by, 2 marriages along the way and I altered from girl into a woman, with outspoken character and points of view.
Compare it to wine. The more dust the bottle gathers, the better the content.
The interest older men have in my appearance has gently disappeared. Of course you get the occasional glance from that nice 58 year old man when you wait in line at the butcher's and I have to admit it does not appeal to me that much ; I experience this uneasy feeling of pity rather than desire for wisdom and lust.
Now, remember the invisible man with the hammer ?
He hit me real hard the other day with this new phenomenon.
I was invited to a night out on the town, you know the drill…
Food, drinks in crowded rooms, friends and
inconnues mixing and mingling.
Most of my friends are a bit older than myself (add the average of + 10 years) and I don't mind their company. I like the way they stand
dans la vie, have the same appetite for the good stuff.
And then, out of the blue, this 20 something guy, entered as an addition to our party. He and his friend were sweet and good fun and I have to admit, it added some vitality to our group.
And then the hammer hit me.
This guy actually showed an interest, in a charming but very subtle way.
I have to admit, I liked it and enjoyed every brief second his attention blew over the table into my face. Smack ! Hit ! Pow !
At first you start this little monologue in your head ; did I just sense this right ?
Oh My God ! Did anyone see or hear this ?
I spent the rest of the evening gazing at his chest just to avoid eye contact ; I felt adored, embarrased and bashful at the same time. Also experienced that shy ol' feeling you only endure during puberty.
So here we are. Me, 20 years older and being the interesting person who can teach a young stud a thing or two. Me and my rucksack full of wisdom, competency and skill.
I've become the mother figure who can offer more than any book or teacher could offer.
The one person that you always will remember as the nicest person with the most laughs. No strings attached. The man or woman that gave you a great gift, in any fashion or conception.
{I have asked myself the question if I was suffering from Cougar syndrome - I'll get back to you on that subject very soon !}
